Affairs | Infidelity
This is typically what we hear from our clients who have experienced an affair or infidelity.
“I feel betrayed by my partner, disconnected from them.”
“I feel alone and angry.”
“What am I supposed to do now?”
“I feel mixed up inside and angry but our sex life is now exciting, what does that mean?”
There is no commonly held definition of what an affair is. What is common is the feelings that are experienced by the people involved. An affair impacts an entire relationship system, and can feel insurmountable to tackle. Let us help you get unstuck and find a path towards healing.
Can I ever trust my partner again?
This is one of the most pressing questions and fears for any person who's been betrayed. It's hard. And that's putting it mildly. The reality is that your whole world has been shattered and you're on the precipice of even deciding whether or not you want to make it work with a partner who has lied to you. You may love your partner very much, but aren't sure at this point whether or not they can be trusted. Rightfully so. Your trust has just been broken.
That doesn't mean you won't ever trust again. It does mean that we'll carefully rebuild trust between the two of you (if all parties are interested in rebuilding the relationship) and that it will take time, effort, and intention. It can be painful work, but you wouldn’t be considering couples therapy if you didn’t already feel your relationship is worth working on. You can trust again, but it takes time and hard work.
Can I heal from this?
Yes! and it depends. First off, we use the Gottman Method Couples Therapy approach to working with affairs. It's tried and true, although healing still takes time and patience.
Secondly, most divorces or separations aren't direct results of affairs. Affairs and infidelities are usually a symptom of larger or more issues in a relationship. So healing is two-fold. There's healing the immediate betrayal, which is devastating to the person who's been betrayed. This takes precedence. There's also healing the larger issues within your relationship.
There's no cookie-cutter diagnosis within any relationship, but we do know a few things regarding what successful relationships look like (such as no horsemen, healthy communication, and effective conflict). Part of the work in healing is tending to these factors that create successful relationships. It's possible and it happens.
If you and your partner choose to move beyond the betrayal, then please recognize that your relationship might not ever be the same. That doesn’t mean it’s going to be worse, unfulfilling, or lonely - it just means that it’s going to be different because the two of you are different. You're going to have to start a new way of being together. It's hard work, but for lots of people, it's worth it.
MORE ABOUT THE CENTER
The Center for Mental and Sexual Health helps the members of our community thrive!
The design of our practice is to meet the needs of our communities by offering a variety of counselors with diverse backgrounds and specialties. Our counselors all vary in their expertise, working with clients from 14 and up, on a wide range of issues. It is essential to us that we set you up to succeed and that we pair you with the therapist who will be the best fit for you. We are constantly growing our specialties through education and practice to provide quality therapy for those who seek it.
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